


We're Not Written In The Stars (But I'm Okay With That)

by FromDreamstoEmpires



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Also The Rating is Because of Anakin and Obi-Wan, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Violence, Eating Disorders, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, I Say As I Put Anakin Through Hell, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Please Note That The Rape/Non-Con and Domestic Violence Is Between Anakin and Sheev, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Suicide Attempt, The BDSM Is Between Anakin and Obi-Wan, The Professor/TA AU, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Until it gets resolved that is, Victim Blaming, We Hurt The Ones We Love The Most
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-11-01 06:04:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10915830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FromDreamstoEmpires/pseuds/FromDreamstoEmpires
Summary: Anakin was beginning to believe he just might get his happy ending after all.Or the story of how Anakin begins to heal from the unseen bruises in the aftermath of his relationship with Palpatine.This was written for the Obikin Big Bang 2017





	We're Not Written In The Stars (But I'm Okay With That)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jilyandbambi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jilyandbambi/gifts).



> I've been working on this fic for awhile and I'm really proud of it and I hope y'all enjoy it!:)♡♡♡
> 
> This fic was inspired by https://flaminganakin.tumblr.com also known as jilyandbambi and my own hcs for the fic.  
> Also special thanks to https://powerbottomvimes.tumblr.com aka Oliver, https://skywalker-anakin.tumblr.com also known as kasuchans/Kass, https://bottomkirk.tumblr.com aka Belina for putting up with me when I send them hcs and snippets of smut from the fic at ungodly hours of the day and night. And of course the obikin discord squad who are the loveliest people. This fic would not exist without any of you.
> 
> The art for this fic was made by the lovely coppersky which can be found here https://coppersky.tumblr.com/post/160412223996/frappes-arent-coffee-anakin-theyre-coffee and here  
> https://coppersky.tumblr.com/post/160525207279/coppersky-anakin-was-begging-to-think-that-maybe
> 
> The chapter title comes from the song Goodnight Chicago and the title of the fic comes from the song Shameful Company both are by Rainbow Kitten Surprise aka my fave english band ever.

It takes an average of seven tries before someone finally leaves an abusive relationship for good.

 

The thing about abusive relationships is that they don't always start out abusive. The relationships start off just like any other one does. Your partner is loving (at least they appear to be at first) and would do anything for you. The abuse isn't always obvious, it can be physical and leave bruises all over that will last for days. Or it can be emotional and personally Anakin thought that that one was the worst. The abuse can be psychological and your partner can make you believe that it's all in your head.

 

The thing is you don't realize you're in an abusive relationship until you've in too deep and you don't see a way out.

 

If you ever asked Anakin if he would ever stay in an abusive relationship he would have said, “Hell, no.” What people don't realize and what Anakin would later find out is that leaving isn't always easy.

 

If there was anything he wished he could take back was being naive and believing Palpatine loved him.  
If there was any advice that Anakin would give to his younger self it would be to not believe every pretty thing someone tells you.  
If he could go back and time he would have

 

Anakin wished he could take back a lot of things but this isn't a world where wishes come true. The world isn't made up of what-ifs or what could have beens. The world doesn't work like that no matter what him and every abuse survivor might wish otherwise.

 

The world isn't always kind but sometimes the world does offer a second chance, or in his case ten chances. 

 

The relationship between Palpatine and him started off with them being happy, and it ended with one of them in the hospital after an attempted suicide while the other pretended like everything was fine.

 

August 5, 2013, 18 years old

 

Anakin had never been in an actual relationship before he met Sheev Palpatine. Sure people had flirted with him before but nothing had ever come out of it, at least not until Palpatine came into his life. 

 

The man had quickly become his closest confidant and one of his greatest friends.

 

Anakin had never been called beautiful before and maybe that was why he fell so easily for Palpatine. He was the first person to ever pay attention to him. He was the first person to ever call him beautiful and the sincerity in his words had him blushing.

 

The relationship wasn't always easy but Anakin had never felt happier than when he was with Palpatine. Palpatine made him feel like he was the most beautiful person he had ever seen.

 

Don't get him wrong they argued like every other couple argued, but they were also happy and Anakin honestly thought that he could never be happier than he was right now.

 

He didn't think he could ever regret accepting Sheev’s offer of a date and he thought that maybe he would finally get to be happy.

 

November 14, 2014, 19 years old

 

He was meeting with Padme today since they hadn't seen each other in a while with Padme being busy with school and Palpatine not wanting him to spend so much time with her. 

 

“I fell down the stairs.” He said and it sounded so pathetic even to his own ears.

 

Padme looked him carefully before saying, “Again?”

 

Anakin laughed and he wondered if it sounded as painful as he felt. “Yeah, you know how clumsy I am. Honestly, I'm always running into things so is it really all that surprising?” 

 

Padme looked at him with concern in her eyes as she asked him, “Ani, how are you really?”

 

Anakin almost told her everything right then and there. Everything that had happened, his relationship with Palpatine and the bruises he left on his body. All the lies he had ever told her were on the tip of his tongue begging to be let out.

 

He knew that he could tell her everything that happened and she would believe. He could tell her about black eyes and broken bones. He could tell her...he could tell her and yet he found himself hesitating. If he told her what would happen? Palpatine had the money and the power to make any accusations go away and it would just get worse. 

 

So he did what he knew best, he smiled and lied. “I'm fine, Padme, honestly.”

 

The lie fell so easily from his lips just like all the others. Maybe that was his problem. Anakin always said he was fine even when he wasn't because he didn't know what else to say. How couldn't bring himself to admit the shame he felt at seeing the bruises scattered all over his body.

 

Padme looked at him and he knew that she didn't believe him for a second. Anakin hastily changed the subject by asking, “How's Sabé?”

 

Padme allowed the change of subject and went on to tell him the plans she had for the two of them. Anakin knew that Padme wouldn't forget about the bruises and he only dreaded it even more.

 

Anakin decided that next time she asked about the bruises he would tell her. Next time he wouldn't lie to her. Next time he would leave for good and he won't look back. The thing that terrified him the most was wondering if he would ever get a next time. 

 

What Anakin didn’t know was that it would take yet another two years of planning, forgiving, calling, reaching out for help, before he could finally leave.

 

January 23, 2015, 20 years old 

 

Anakin kept his eyes closed as Palpatine continued to thrust into him. 

 

Anakin could felt the thrust come to stop as Palpatine pulled out of him and collapsed beside him. 

 

Palpatine pulled him close and ran his fingers through his hair. “Your hair is so lovely, Anakin. I think it's my favorite part of you.” Anakin closed his eyes and forced himself not to flinch at the caresses.

 

Anakin couldn't bear to look at him and turned away from him when he quietly said, “I didn't want it.”

 

Palpatine just laughed as he pet his hair and said, “You never said no, Anakin.”

 

Anakin never did find the beauty in his hair after that day. He didn't think he ever would. 

 

Palpatine got dressed and kissed his forehead before he left for the night.

 

Anakin didn't say a word for fear that if he did he would fall apart under the weight of everything 

 

Anakin didn't think that he could ever hate himself even more than he already did.

 

Love wasn't supposed to break you, he thought to himself. 

 

But what was he supposed to do when the person he thought he love broke him beyond recognition?

 

‘Why do I keep coming back?’

 

Anakin already knew the answer to that, he kept coming back because Sheev promised he'd changed and he told him he loved him.

 

Anakin laid awake and the only thing running through his mind was why he let this continue. Anakin tried to ignore the tears running down his face and the only thought running through his head, ‘He loves me. He loves me and I love him.’

 

Anakin closed his eyes and whispered into the darkness if his room, “Why do I keep coming back? Why do I keep forgiving him?”

 

He knew why he kept coming back. He kept coming back because Palpatine kept promising he would change that it would be the last time. He kept forgiving him because relationships are about forgiveness and he always said that he would change. He keeps coming back because people in relationships argue all the time. Anakin remembered the first time he tried to break off the relationship between them.

 

You can do this, Anakin. You need to do this, he thought to himself as he tried to gather up the courage to breakup with Palpatine.

 

Anakin was sitting in the living room when he heard 

 

Anakin looked at him when he said, “Sheev, all we do anymore is argue about everything. We can't even have a conversation without you getting mad! I just think that it's for the best that we take a break.”

 

“Love is supposed to hurt, Anakin. When you're in a relationship there will be arguments.” 

 

Palpatine brushed his hair back when he told him, “You're young and an experienced, but this is normal. You just have to trust me. You do trust me, right, Anakin?”

 

Anakin hadn't trusted another person as much as he trusted Palpatine. He really only had one answer. “Yes, of course, I do”

 

Palpatine pulled him towards him and kissed him. The only thing Anakin thought at the time was if he had just made the biggest mistake of his life.

 

“This is love, right?” Anakin wondered out loud desperately.

 

Sometimes Anakin wondered if it was normal to only be twenty years old and already be tired of living. 

 

May 16, 2016 21 years old

 

Anakin could feel the bruises all over his body.

 

He couldn't feel anything other than numbness and more than anything else he wanted it all to stop.

 

He wanted the broken bones and black eyes and blue bruises to end.

 

The only thing Anakin wanted more than anything else was to be able to stop the pain and anger he felt.

 

Anakin opened the bottle of pills and continued to take them until he couldn't feel anything. He didn't give a damn if he lived or if he died anymore. He didn't care about anything else other than making the pain stop. The last thought that ran through Anakin’s mind before he felt his eyes close was whether or not Palpatine would care.

 

The only thing Anakin could hear was the faint sound of monitors beeping. 

 

He opened his and squinted at the harsh light in the room.

 

Padme looked at him and her eyes were bloodshot with how much she had been crying. 

 

Her voice cracked when she asked him, “What happened, Anakin?” When Anakin didn't answer her she asked again trying trying to keep her voice from breaking, “Anakin what the hell were you thinking? And don't you dare try to tell me that you're fine because you're not.”

 

And Anakin didn't know what made him break and start spilling every single lie he had said . Maybe it was the way Padme looked so lost and hopeless. Maybe it was the exhaustion he felt deep in his bones. Maybe it was the thought that this could be his last chance to save himself from the hell he had been put through the last four years.

 

"He used to tell me he loved me, and at first he would apologize after every time he hit me, promising he'd never do it again." Anakin let out a breathless laugh, "And I believed him. I believed him because he said he loved me and I was the idiot who was naive enough to believe in his promises. I got so attached to him. I let myself become too dependent on him. I believed him when he said he loved me, and I believed him when he said he was sorry and that he'd never hit me again. I should've left after that first time. There should have never been a second time, I know that but...I loved him and I thought he loved me too. I shouldn't have forgiven him. But I felt like I owed him something for helping me get into the university and for loving me.” Anakin felt the tears fall down his face at every admission.

 

Padme held his hand in both of her hands "This isn't your fault, Anakin," Padme says quietly, yet firmly, not allowing room for any argument. "This was never your fault. He was the one who beat you and raped you. He was the one who lied to you, and he broke you down. He betrayed your trust. It's not your fault."

 

Anakin looked away from her and in a quiet voice he said, “I just wanted it to stop. I didn't know what else to do and it just seemed like it was the only option I had left. Padme, I just wanted the pain to stop.”

 

Anakin close his eyes as he told her in a quiet voice, “Padme, I can't go back. I'm not gonna make it through another day if I stay.”

 

Padme smoother his hair back, “Anakin I promise you he will never lay a hand on you again.” She takes a breath before she tells him, “Anakin, you need file a complaint against him.”

 

Anakin froze under her hand and shook his head when he said, “Padme, I can't. I just want to leave and get as far away from him as possible.”

 

She looked like she wanted to argue against it but thought better of it. He had a feeling that this wouldn't be the last time she would try to convince him to charge him with with domestic violence. 

 

Anakin wondered if he made the right decision in refusing.

 

 

The hospital discharged him after two weeks and he stayed with Padme in the meantime. 

 

Anakin was sitting on the couch when she came back with takeout. 

 

“I come bearing gifts!” She said as she put down the pizza on the table.

 

Padme took one look at him and went to sit with him.

 

She took his hand in hers and asked, “What’s wrong, Ani?” 

 

Anakin decided to tell her what had been plaguing his thoughts the last couple of days.

 

“Palpatine comes back in a few days and I don't know where to go, Padme. The only reason I got into the University was because he pulled strings to get me in there. And I'm supposed to go to grad school there but I know that I won't be able to handle seeing him around campus. But I've worked so hard to get to where I am and I never applied anywhere else and I'm so fucking terrified, Padme ” He said brokenly.

 

Padme pulled him into a hug that made everything seem alright.

 

Padme pulled back and looked at him when she said, “I was going to tell you next week before I found out about Palpatine. I sent in an application for Coruscant University and you got accepted. You did that all on you own, Anakin. Your writing and your grades did that. Not Palpatine, not anybody, just you.”

 

Anakin couldn't stop looking at her and swallowed before asking, “Not that I'm not grateful, but why did you send in an application?”

 

Padme bit her lip before she confessed, “I thought you needed to get away from here. Anakin, I might not have known what was going on between you and Palpatine but I always thought there was something off about your relationship.” 

 

Anakin didn't try to stop the tears from falling down as he hugged her and whispered into her hair, “Thank you. Thank you, Padme.”

 

She hugged him back just as hard as she said, “Anytime, Ani.”

 

Padme had kept her word and didn't breathe a word to his mom or her family. Anakin honestly didn't know if he would ever be able to tell her what happened between Palpatine and him. 

 

Padme had apparently already told her family and his mother that they were leaving. They were happy for them of course but he could tell that his mother was a little miffed at not being told that he gotten accepted into the university.

 

“Honestly, Ani, why didn't you tell me you were applying? For that matter, why didn't you tell me you got accepted?” Shmi said sternly but with a smile forming.

 

Anakin had a moment of panic because he didn't know what to say other that.

 

“He didn't want to say anything until he knew he actually got in.” Padme told her quickly

 

Anakin shot her grateful look before turning back to his mother.

 

Anakin had already said his goodbyes to the Naberrie’s and watched Padme hug them as they helped her move the rest of their things into the U-Haul.

 

Anakin turned back to his mother and hugged her as he said, “I'm going to miss you so much, mama.”

 

Shmi smiled at him gently and said, “Oh, Ani I'm going to miss you so much. I know this will do you some good to get away from here and see other places.”

 

“Will you be okay without me, mama?” Anakin asked

 

His mother just gave him a soft laugh as she said, “Don't you worry about me, baby. I'll be alright. I just want you to focus on yourself, okay?”

 

Anakin gave a watery smile as he gave her a hug. He said, “It's my job to worry about you, mama. I promise I'll make you proud.”

 

“Ani, you've already made me proud. You just have to make yourself proud of the person you've become.”

 

“I promise I'll come back to visit.” Anakin promised. 

 

Shmi wiped her eyes, “Alright, you two best be going on your way before you catch any traffic. The two of you better call us as soon as you get there, alright?” She said sternly, leaving no room for any argument.

 

Anakin kissed her cheek and promised her that they would before getting into the car.

 

Anakin didn't look back in the rear view mirror and as they drove off he wondered if he would ever be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it and please let me know what you thought of it!:) You can always find me at pumpkinanakin.tumblr.com


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